Twindom

I have a twin sister. We are not identical or fraternal, but half-identical. Not going into too much biology, but instead of having one egg, fertilized by one sperm and then a split like in identical twins, and unlike two separate eggs and separate sperm like in fraternal, our situation occurred that one egg split and then was fertilized by two separate sperm. Basically, we share the share DNA from our mother but different from our father, as opposed to both or neither as in the other cases.

I have never really thought about the schematics until recently when I read this book Identical Strangers written by twins that were separated and adopted by different families unknowingly and were reunited later in life in their thirties.

I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without Aileen, or what it would be like meeting her for the first time at age 35. We are so different yet so similar. She is quite honestly the only person in this world that I feel I can be completely blunt with. I don't know why this is, but it is. I don't understand some of her choices and sometimes I wonder if we would ever be friends if we weren't sisters, but at the same time I have these urges to be with her sometimes and I have this overwhelming sense of missing her. I can't explain it.

It was interesting to read about these women noticing their similiarities and differences and grappling with the huge idea of identity and nature vs. nuture while trying to find their birth mother. It makes me feel lucky to have spent my whole life with Aileen.

Many people have asked me what it's like to be a twin. I usually tell them I don't know what life would be like not being one. But if I am in the mood to talk about it more, I usually tell them it's both a blessing and a curse. I don't enjoy always being compared to her both physically and emotionally and I didn't like having to share things sometimes, especially as a young child (i.e. birthday presents, milestones in our lives). But I have cherished the fact that I always had someone to talk to at night before going to sleep, someone to eat lunch with on the first day of school in a new city, and someone to play with when my friends couldn't come over.

But what struck me as the biggest blessing after reading about how these twins missed out on their childhood together, is that Aileen was there with me through all of it. She is the person's whose life is closest to my experiences. She is the only one who can commiserate with me the time I had a 105 temperature and didn't tell my parents because I wanted to swim, the time we petted what was most likely a rabid racoon at my grandfather's house in Florida, how it felt to be on my own for the first time in North Carolina and many other events. On my wedding day, my sister wept behind me as my maid of honor as I said my vows. I asked her later what made her cry.  She said it was because she realized all the emotions I went throught to get there and how much I wanted this to happen in my life ever since I was a little girl. It made me cry at how grateful I was to have her beside me.

And though we are so different in so many ways in that I can't explain away through simply just genetics or environment, I believe it is because we grew up together and share some of the same genes that we will always share something in common...we will always love each other intensely forever.